22 Apr Why The Day My Ex Got Married Was One Of The Happiest Days Of My Life
What an interesting topic to choose for my first ever blog post, but I want to bring you guys inside my head and my perspective on things outside of just keto stuff. I get asked about relationships a lot so I figured I’d open up a bit on something that happened recently – my ex girlfriend got married. And guess what?! I couldn’t be happier for her and her husband. Not out of spite, but actually genuinely happy for them.
Let’s back up a bit. Throughout high school I had a couple of “girlfriends” but nothing that lasted longer than a year at a time. I couldn’t blame them – being heavily focused on school and playing sports all year long, little to focus was made to prioritize on my relationships. I thought going to college would change that. I would have ALL of this free time so I could change my approach. Not so fast….
My freshman year I remember walking into one of my first classes ever with some young professor who looked like he could be my older brother talking about Health Sciences. Little did I know that professor would literally become my brother, my business partner, and a mentor for life (thanks Doc). In that class I remember seeing a cute girl that was smart as hell. She was a year older but hell – I was up for the challenge. I remember Jacob asking the class early on in the semester who would like to volunteer to help him with a research study looking at the effects of weighted bats on a baseball swing. Two people rose their hands – HER and I. This was my shot. Without boring you with details, I knew I won her over when I not only helped perform research with her, but also embarrassed the shit out of myself when I was a participant. It was our last day of testing and I remember I wanted to show off in front of her. I literally swung as hard as I possibly could to try and beat the “record.” I ended up swinging so hard that I spun all the way around and fell to the floor. I never saw her laugh so hard in my life. I was embarrassed but guess what – I broke the record with over 100mph swing 😛
It actually worked out quite well that day. I ended up walking her back to her room that night after she had a couple drinks too many from a bar right across from University of Tampa. I literally walked her back to her room, put her number in my phone, and left for the night – no funny business. I guess that went a long way with her as we ended up dating shortly thereafter for a little over 3 years.
This isn’t a blog to recap on my previous relationships but rather to talk about a different perspective that I might have than most people. She was truly an incredible human being and there was no doubt in my mind that I loved her. The end of my junior year we (mainly myself) hit a road block for a couple of reasons. First, she was getting ready to graduate and was faced with a tough decision – do I stay here in Tampa and commit myself to this boy or go out and pursue my passion of becoming a doctor? I made that decision for her a lot easier…
Part of me wanted her to stay. Yet part of me was terrified at the thought that if she stayed, this would probably be the girl I would be with for the rest of my life. I was young and felt FOMO that I was missing out on the whole “college experience” since I had been with her since I was a freshman and I was going on to my senior year. Nonetheless, I could get over that. But what frightened me even more was that this incredible woman was about to risk her entire life for some small town boy who was still very confused on what his future held. I couldn’t let her give up on her dreams. I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt that if things didn’t work out that I could have just ruined her shot at becoming a doctor and pursuing her passion. So we broke up. There were a ton of tears, a ton of emotions, but looking back it was the right thing to do. The next year was a roller coaster. She graduated from college and ended up getting accepted into a university in south Florida to become a doctor of optometry. That summer she would come and visit sporadically with the hopes that we could make this whole distance thing work. She even showed up for my graduation the following year – like I said – she’s an angel.
The quote goes something like “if you love them, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours..” right?
After I graduated and she headed down to school, things started to fade. I was wrapped up doing research and focusing on my masters degree and she was just starting her optometry program so there was little time to see each other. We started talking less and less and eventually she went completely silent. Then it happened – I remember seeing her post something on her Instagram with another guy she had met at school. It felt as if someone took a knife, stabbed me in the heart, and twisted it around. I was devastated. But at the end of the day, this was my decision. It took me a while to wrap my head around that. More and more pictures starting coming out with this new boy and at the beginning I was so angry, mad, and honestly…jealous. But she was happy and something about that weirdly made me happy as well.
I moved on and she clearly did too. It’s been about 4 years since we’ve talked. Yet, a couple weeks ago, my buddies sent a picture of her on her wedding day in our group chat and made some dumb joke about not being invited. Other people might be spiteful, angry, careless, etc. But I wasn’t. I was actually extremely happy for her and her now husband. Not the type of happy where people just say they are happy yet deep down they are broke because they are still jealous. No, like the legitimate happy because I loved her with every being of my soul. And for me, I have a different definition of love than most people. A lot of people assume love is about control and there is a selfish component about it. “If I love them then they must love me back or they must only be with me” Seems very controlling to me. My perspective is that if you have unconditional love someone you want the absolute best for that person whether you can directly provide it or not. It’s the reason why I don’t think you can only love one person. If she would call me today and ask for something, I would be right there for her. As weird as this sounds, I’d do the same for her husband despite never having met the guy. He makes someone that had an enormous impact on my life happy and for that I’m beyond grateful.
So yeah, my ex got married and I smiled from ear to ear that day because you know what – she’s happy. And that’s all I could ever wish for the people that I love.
You might read this post and think that I am the most ridiculous person ever and you know what – that is completely fine. Everyone has their own perspective. Mine is that I think I have a different take on “love” than most people do. I don’t ever claim to think that “I’m right and you’re wrong” or that I have it all figured out – far from it actually. But seeing her get married and fulfilled with someone who could provide her with the time, energy, and love that I couldn’t makes me glad.
As far as my current relationship status, everything surrounding love (including my thoughts on monogamy, etc) —well, that’s for a future post 😉